She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize