so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
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Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
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Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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