You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
