I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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