he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
