i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
