he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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