I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
