i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
