Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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