A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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