need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
