i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
