Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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