It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
