If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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