I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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