i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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