Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
