Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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