marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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