oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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