and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
