Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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