Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
