Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
