she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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