He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
