If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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