I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
