I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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