I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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