I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
