I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
