Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
