It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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