MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
