I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
NoShamevember. You game?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
