he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
