Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
