Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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