so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
