Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
