hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i out mim tonsoeep
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