i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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