I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
