Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
