If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
