woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
