See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
