The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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