the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
