I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
