I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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