My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
