Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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