Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
