I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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