i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
