I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
