I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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