i think my tv is drunk
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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