so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
