i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
