I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
