Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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