I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
