Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Oh god it's open bar.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
