Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
