i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
