I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
