White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
