i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
