A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
