We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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