woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
