god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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