I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
